I appreciate my ex wife is a police officer (so has been given greater protection against prosecution) and evidencing emotional, controlling, financial, etc abuse is much difficult than evidencing physical abuse.
Although the officer in charge of the case has refused to review these messages, I have collated them to share.
I spoke to the police in Sep 2023 and it was triaged as a medium risk. However, they refused to speak to me again and this gave my ex-wife free reign to continue her abuse without any repercussion.
In Dec 2023, she tried to break into my house at least three times (and even climbed a fence to gain access to the back garden). The police are yet to speak to my neighbour who witnessed this and I believe had caught it on his doorbell.
She made a false accusation to the police in Jan 2024 stating that I raped her (a threat I was subjected to for many years as a form of control and abuse). She immediately retracted the false accusation, but as she retracted the false allegation, I have been unable to see what she said. If I could I could evidence that she lied.
She told my daughter's nursery that I had been recording the children covertly in the class room. Not only was this a dangerous lie, but if it was true, there would be no way that she would know. The police have still not investigated this.
On the evidence of abuse tab, there is
Examples of insults (I do not believe these need annotating)
Examples of her anger (I can annotate if required)
Examples of High abuse (I will try and annotate these)
Domestic Abuse Statutory Guidance July 2022
Sexual abuse
Section 41. Victims of domestic abuse may experience behaviour that is sexually abusive. This abuse can involve:
Being pressured into sex, or sexual acts, including with other people;
Being forced to take part in sexual acts because of threats to others, including children;
Unwanted sexual contact or demands;
Being pressurised or being tricked into having unsafe sex, including deception over the use of birth control;
Section 45. Victims of domestic abuse can also be the subject of reproductive coercion, which can involve:
refusing to use a birth control method;
deception regarding the use of birth control including falsely claiming to be using contraception;
forcing a partner to get an abortion, IVF or other related procedure; or denying access to such procedures.
Controlling or coercive behaviour
Section 47. Controlling or coercive behaviour can amount to an offence under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. The offence carries a maximum penalty of five years imprisonment. It is only applicable where:
The victim and perpetrator are “personally connected” at the time the behaviour takes place;
The behaviour has had a serious effect on the victim, meaning that it has caused the victim to fear violence will be used against them on two or more occasions, or it has had a substantial adverse effect on the victim’s usual day to day activities; and
The behaviour takes place repeatedly or continuously.
Section 48. The perpetrator must have known that their behaviour would have a serious effect on the victim, or the behaviour must have been such that he or she ought to have known it would have that effect. Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 sets out in full the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour.
Section 49. Section 68 of the 2021 Act will amend the definition of “personally connected” in section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. It will remove the “living together” requirement. This means that the offence will apply to partners, ex-partners, or family members, regardless of whether the victim and perpetrator live together. It will therefore apply in contexts where controlling or coercive behaviour by an intimate partner takes place post-separation or is perpetrated by a family member who does not live with the victim.
Section 50. Controlling or coercive behaviour also forms part of the definition of domestic abuse at section 1(3)(c) of the 2021 Act. The following examples are within the range of behaviours that might be considered controlling or coercive behaviour. This list is not exhaustive:
Controlling or monitoring the victim's daily activities and behaviour, including making them account for their time, dictating what they can wear, what and when they can eat, when and where they may sleep;
Controlling a victim’s access to finances, including monitoring their accounts or coercing them into sharing their passwords to bank accounts in order to facilitate economic abuse
Isolating the victim from family, friends and professionals who may be trying to support them, intercepting messages or phone calls;
Refusing to interpret and/or hindering access to communication;
Preventing the victim from taking medication, or accessing medical equipment and assistive aids, over-medicating them, or preventing the victim from accessing health or social care (especially relevant for disabled victims or those with long-term health conditions);
Using substances to control a victim through dependency, or controlling their access to substances;
Using children to control the victim, e.g. threatening to take the children away;
Using animals to control or coerce a victim, e.g. harming or threatening to harm, or give away, pets or assistance dogs;
Threats to expose sensitive information (e.g. sexual activity or sexual orientation) or make false allegations to family members, religious or local community including via photos or the internet;
Intimidation and threats of disclosure of sexual orientation and/or gender identity to family, friends, work colleagues, community and others;
Intimidation and threats of disclosure of health status or an impairment to family, friends, work colleagues and wider community – particularly where this may carry a stigma in the community;
Using the victim’s health status to induce fear and restrict their freedom of movement;
Physical violence, violent or threatening behaviour, sexual abuse, emotional or psychological abuse, economic abuse and verbal abuse (as further detailed in this chapter).
Section 51. Controlling or coercive behaviour is a pattern of behaviour often perpetrated alongside other forms of abuse. A victim may not be aware of the abusive behaviours or be prepared to make a disclosure. In supporting victims to address controlling or coercive behaviour, agencies should give consideration to the cumulative impact of a perpetrator’s behaviours (including those that may seem harmless) and the pattern of behaviour within the context of the relationship.
Section 52. Controlling or coercive behaviour should be dealt with as part of safeguarding and public protection procedures. Professionals should be aware of the impact of this behaviour on victims, including children and young people.
Harassment or Stalking
Section 55. Where harassment or stalking occurs, and the perpetrator and victim are 16 or over and “personally connected”, this behaviour falls within the scope of the statutory definition of domestic abuse in the 2021 Act. For example, it may constitute physical Domestic Abuse Act 2021 Statutory Guidance 34 abuse, threatening behaviour, controlling or coercive behaviour, or emotional or psychological abuse.
Section 56. There is no statutory definition of harassment but it includes repeated attempts to impose unwanted communications and contact upon a victim, in a manner that could be expected to cause distress or fear. It is generally acknowledged that harassment involves behaviour that is intended to cause a person alarm or distress or to cause them to fear violence when the perpetrator knows or ought to know that their conduct amounts to harassment. Where there is evidence to show that such conduct has occurred on more than one occasion, the perpetrator could be prosecuted under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 (‘the 1997 Act’).
Section 57. The perpetrator’s behaviour may follow a pattern, such as sending messages which the recipient finds alarming or distressing, or which causes them to fear violence. Alternatively, the perpetrator’s behaviour may differ on each occasion, for example they could use a variety of means to harass the victim such as sending threatening messages (for example via text or social media) or emails, making abusive phone calls, damaging property or falsely reporting a person to the police when they have done nothing wrong.
Section 58. Similarly, there is no statutory definition of stalking. Examples of the type of behaviour considered in particular circumstances to be acts, or omissions, associated with stalking are set out in section 2A of the 1997 Act. This list is not exhaustive, nor does the offence require a personal connection, which means it is wider than, and differs from, domestic abuse:
Following a person;
Contacting, or attempting to contact, a person by any means;
Publishing any statement or other material — i. relating or purporting to relate to a person, or ii. purporting to originate from a person;
Monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication;
Loitering in any place (whether public or private);
Interfering with any property in the possession of a person; and
Watching or spying on a person. 59.The police and the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) have also adopted the following description, which appears in the statutory guidance on Stalking Protection Orders, issued under the Stalking Protection Act 2019: stalking is a pattern of unwanted, fixated and obsessive behaviour which is intrusive. It can include harassment that amounts to stalking or stalking that causes fear of violence or serious alarm or distress to the victim.
Economic abuse
Section 63. Economic abuse refers to behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on an individual’s ability to acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or to obtain goods or services. 36 This can include an individual’s ability to acquire food or clothes, or access transportation or utilities. These behaviours can include an attempt to control through restriction, exploitation and/or sabotage.
Section 64 Economic abuse can be prosecuted under the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 (‘the 2015 Act’). As defined in the 2015 Act, the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour states that: An offence is committed by ‘A’ if:
A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person, ‘B’, that is controlling or coercive;
At the time of the behaviour, A and B are “personally connected”;
The behaviour has a serious effect on B; and
A knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on B.
Controlling the family income;
Once in force, section 68 of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 will amend the definition of “personally connected’’ in section 76 of the 2015 Act to remove the “living together’’ requirement, which means that the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour will apply to partners, ex-partners or family members, regardless of whether the victim and perpetrator live together
Section 65. Examples of economic abuse might include the following:
Not allowing a victim to earn or spend any money unless ‘permitted’;
Denying the victim food or only allowing them to eat a particular type of food;
Running up bills and debts such as credit or store cards in a victim’s name, including without them knowing;
Refusing to contribute to household income or costs;
Deliberately forcing a victim to go to the family courts so they incur additional legal fees;
Interfering with or preventing a victim from regularising their immigration status so that they are economically dependent on the perpetrator;
Preventing a victim from claiming welfare benefits, or forcing someone to commit benefit fraud or misappropriating such benefits;
Interfering with a victim’s education, training, employment and career so that they are economically dependent on the perpetrator;
Not allowing a victim access to mobile phone/car/utilities;
Damaging the victim’s property;
Not allowing a victim to buy pet food or access veterinary care for their pet;
Coercing the victim into signing over property or assets;
Refusing to make agreed or required payments, for example mortgage repayments or child maintenance payments; and
Deliberately frustrating the sale of shared assets, or the closure of joint accounts or mortgages.
Section 66. Economic abuse can make a victim economically dependent on the perpetrator, and/or create economic instability, thereby limiting their ability to escape and access safety. This can result in a victim staying with a perpetrator and experiencing more abuse and harm as a result. Some forms of economic abuse may take place or persist after the victim has separated from the perpetrator. Children can experience the effects of economic abuse; this includes where it creates an environment where they lack essentials, and which may in cases escalate to severe forms of deprivation or child poverty.
Section 67. A nationally representative survey on the impact of economic abuse highlighted that 57% of victims of economic abuse were in or had been in debt, 26% had a negatively impacted credit score, and 25% had experienced abuse related to spending and credit, such as having debt put in their name without their knowledge, or due to coercion. 37 The organisation Surviving Economic Abuse, in partnership with Money Advice Plus, has created a guide to understanding economic abuse for victims.
Emotional or psychological abuse
Section 68. Domestic abuse often involves emotional or psychological abuse. Some of these behaviours will also be controlling or coercive behaviour. Emotional or psychological abuse can include:
Manipulating a person’s anxieties or beliefs or abusing a position of trust;
Hostile behaviours or silent treatment as part of a pattern of behaviour to make the victim feel fearful;
Being insulted, including in front of others. This includes insulting someone about their race, sex or gender identity, gender reassignment, sexual orientation, disability, age, faith or belief or undermining an individual’s ability to parent or ability to work;
Repeatedly being belittled;
Keeping a victim awake/preventing them from sleeping;
Using violence or threats towards assistance dogs and pets to intimidate the victim and cause distress, including threatening to harm the animal as well as controlling how the owner is able to care for the animal;
Threatening to harm third parties (for example family, friends or colleagues);
Using social media sites to intimidate the victim; and
Persuading a victim to doubt their own sanity or mind (including ‘gaslighting’). Verbal abuse .Verbal abuse may amount to emotional or psychological abuse, threatening behaviour, or controlling or coercive behaviour. Examples include:
Repeated yelling and shouting;
Abusive, insulting, threatening or degrading language;
Verbal humiliation either in private or in company;
Being laughed at and being made fun of
Technology-facilitated abuse
Section 70. Perpetrators can use technology, including social media to abuse victims. This can happen during and after the relationship. A representative survey conducted by Refuge found that one in six women experiencing at least one behaviour suggestive of online abuse or harassment, reported that the abusive behaviour was perpetrated by a current or ex-partner. Some examples of technology-facilitated abuse include:
Placing false or malicious information about a victim on their or others’ social media;
Setting up false social media accounts in the name of the victim;
'Trolling’ with abusive, offensive or deliberately provocative messages via social media platforms or online forums;
Image-based abuse – for example, the creation of false/digitally altered images and the non-consensual distribution, or threat thereof, of private sexual photographs and films with the intent to cause the person depicted distress (‘revenge porn’);
Hacking into, monitoring or controlling email accounts, social media profiles and phone calls;
Blocking the victim from using their online accounts, responding in the victim’s place or creating false online accounts;
Use of spyware or GPS locators on items such as phones, computers, wearable technology, cars, motorbikes and pets;
Hacking internet enabled devices such as PlayStations or iPads to gain access to accounts or trace information such as a person’s location;
Using personal devices such as smart watches or smart home devices (such as Amazon Alexa, Google Home Hubs, etc) to monitor, control or frighten; and
Use of hidden cameras.
Section 71. Section 69 of the 2021 Act, amended the offence under section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, of disclosing a private sexual photograph or film with intent to cause distress to an individual who appears in the photograph or film, so as to include threats to disclose such photographs and films. This means it is a criminal offence for an individual to threaten to share intimate images without the consent of the individual depicted, with the intent to cause distress.
Section 72. Threats to share intimate or sexual images and films may be used as a part of a pattern of behaviour to control, coerce or distress the victim during a relationship with a perpetrator and following separation. A survey undertaken by Refuge39 found that one in 14 adults in England and Wales have experienced threats to share intimate images or videos – equivalent to 4.4 million people.
Perpetrator tactics
Section 99. There is never any justification for perpetrating domestic abuse and although the perpetrator and others may blame the victim for causing their behaviour, it is never the victim’s fault. Some perpetrators do not recognise that their behaviour constitutes domestic abuse, however, all perpetrators are responsible for their behaviour and should be held accountable for it.
Section 100. A desire to exert power and control is commonly recognised as the key motive for perpetrators. Younger males are more likely to be perpetrators and there are multiple complex risk factors that can influence whether someone may perpetrate domestic abuse. Research highlights individual, interpersonal and community level risk factors, such as experience of child abuse, exposure to violence at home, neighbourhood deprivation and societal or cultural norms that condone violence and gender inequality. 56 It is important to acknowledge that simply because an individual is exposed to any one of these risk factors, it does not necessarily mean they will experience or carry out domestic abuse
Section 102. Perpetrators may manipulate victims and/or those around them to hide or normalise abusive behaviours. Domestic abuse perpetrators can be particularly adept at manipulating professionals, agencies and systems and may use a range of tactics to perpetuate contact with, and exert control over, the victim. Perpetrators may seek to minimise allegations, normalise the behaviour and discredit reports of abuse.
Section 103. Mixed methods research published by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) and Refuge suggests that perpetrators of domestic abuse may also target and undermine parents’ relationships with their children, using power and control dynamics, for example using vexatious applications to the family court to prolong proceedings. Perpetrators can also use contact with children as a form of abuse.
Section 104. Perpetrators may also seek to take advantage of, or manipulate, victims because of their protected characteristics or personal circumstances to prevent them from speaking out or accessing support. For more information, see ‘Chapter 5 – Different experiences, needs and related considerations’
Section 105. Perpetrator behaviours can potentially include:
Disguised compliance, missing or cancelling appointments, non-attendance, playing different professionals off against one another;
Making false or vexatious allegations against victims and convincing professionals that their controlling tactics are for the victim’s own safety and/or for the safety of their children;
Using the courts to continue abuse, for example not turning up to court dates, sending unnecessary and repeated legal letters and making threats around contact;
Making counter-allegations against the victim
Using children as a form of control – e.g. access visits, seeking to manipulate children’s feelings towards ex-partner (the victim);
Attempting to frustrate or interfere with a police investigation, including attempting to undermine the victim’s statements by claiming they are mentally ill;
Use of family members, new partners, or others to indirectly communicate with or threaten the victim, especially in cases where the perpetrator is under investigation, subject to a protection order or detained;
Use of false profiles on social media or other technology platforms;
Telling the victim that they will not be believed because they have mental health issues, learning difficulties or disabilities, or issues with substance abuse;
Threatening to ‘out’ the victim as a form of coercive control, telling the victim that they will not be believed because they identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or trans, or manipulating the victim’s knowledge of what support is available for LGBT people and using myths and stereotypes around LGBT domestic abuse to make professionals believe that abuse between same-sex couples does not exist;
Threatening to remove care or not undertake caring responsibilities where the victim is reliant on this, threatening the victim around the withdrawal of medicines;
Exploiting the communication support needs of the victim or manipulating the victim’s knowledge of what support is available and making professionals believe that the victim does not have capacity to report accurately or that reports are not credible due to communication difficulty;
Using threats to manipulate the victim, for example, by telling the victim they will not be believed by the police or other agencies, that they will inform social services, that their children will be taken away;
Seeking to control the victim’s finances, ability to access funds or obtain an income.
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